Are you suffering from DEPRESSION FALLOUT? If you have a family member or close friend with a depressive illness, the answer is yes.
Millions of Americans suffer from depression. Rightfully so, much attention has been paid to this national
health problem. But what about the people who live with and love them? Where do they go for help? Most of them, yourself probably included, suffer from what I term "depression fallout, " shorthand for your feelings of confusion, self-doubt, demoralization, resentment, and, often, the desire to escape from the source of your problem.
* Depression fallout is our unbidden response to someone else's despair. The first of its five stages, which overlap and feed into each other, begins with our confusion when we initially encounter the other's illness, usually undiagnosed at the time. Why has someone you love become remote, as though the connection between you has been uncoupled? Why is he or she so distant and dissatisfied, so lethargic but demanding?
* Enter Stage Two: Self-doubt. Unaware of the real source of the problem, you seek it everywhere but in the illness itself. You think that your husband or wife is remote and critical because they're having an affair with somebody else, or that a lover has become selfish and unaffectionate because he or she no longer cares for you. You believe that a son or daughter is hostile and unmanageable because they've gotten involved with a group of wild kids, or that a mother or father is irritable and complaining because you have neglected them.
* Stage Three: Demoralization is central to depression fallout, arriving early and staying late. Its defining characteristic is loss of self-esteem. Demoralization is a lot like depression: the feeling that everything has gone wrong and there's nothing you can do about it because you are inept and worthless. Demoralization is underlaid with feelings of resentment toward the person with the illness who, despite your best efforts to help, acts as though everything is your fault.
* Stage Four: Resentment grows and often becomes anger. The relationship - indeed the entire family - is in
disarray and your life is full of dissension and negativity. By now you have placed the blame squarely
on your depressed person, not on their illness.
* Stage Five can be avoided, but unless you take positive steps to counter it your desire to escape the source of your unhappiness - by distancing yourself either psychologically or physically from your depressive or manic depressive - will become a negative constant.
Return to Understanding and Coping Topics
How You Can Survive When They're Depressed offers advice on both recognizing depression fallout and on how
you can cope with it. The information provided on this site is based on Anne's personal experience and
interviews with those with first hand experience with depression fallout, including leading professionals
in the field. Please refer to the book for a complete bibliography. Anne is not a doctor and the advice on
this site is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice.
